I never knew someone could have this kind of an effect on me. I never knew i could feel this once again. I never knew my heart could shatter yet again. All along, i thought a stone ive came to be. Well, truth is, no. I never wanted to cry after that day, after the initial one. I never wanted to be weak emotionally like how i used to. I never wanted to feel any emotions. I thought ive succeeded. I thought all of those have vanished away from my life. True, i never wanted to experience any heartbreaks. Thus, letting me to shun all feelings i tend to have for someone. For the tendency of me crushing on guys is high, i admit. BUT to love them deep down from the heart is something not easy. And hence, if i feel love, that love will i only see within my heart, no matter who i'm with or where i am. The reason why im afraid to fall in love yet again. Afraid that it'd only eat me up alive from behind. I rather be on my own than sharing my life with someone where i know there'll be challenges ahead of us. I used to be a risk taker in the games of heart. But now, not anymore.

However, something struck me in the head. Was pretty shocked by it. Surprisingly, i found myself shedding tears because of something pretty small. Weirdly, my mind would run wild thinking of many uncertainties and thus, ghosting me like a vampire haunting for human blood. It was tormenting having to feel that way. It was torturous having to feel the missing presence. Surprisingly, that was what i felt for the past days. Crying to sleep, thinking of all negativities and keep on worrying about something really torturing my soul, even distrupting all of my mood. But at once, when there was clashes of the voice, everything came back to normal. As though, it eases the soul despite the excruciating dispute. Weird but true. What does that mean? I couldnt understand it. I care? Well, i care for everyone. Missing presence? Well, i'm missing alot of people. But it never came to the extend that i would shed my precious tears or would erupt like a volcano. What feeling was that actually? And why on earth do i have to feel that way?

Maybe i know. Maybe im just ignoring the truth. Maybe i'm in reluctance to admit. Even if i am, i have to let it go. I cannot take it with me. I cannot let the feeling succumb me. It'll be too hard to handle. Neutralising it may not be a wise idea since it cannot be forced to let go that instant. But i guess, all i could do is to maintain it that way, hoping to see just a friendship in the near future. Learning as a good friend is what i have to start doing, just like those days. For the sake of this friendship, that is.



Those tissues are still there in the heart box. And forever the fragrance of ur sincerity will always be near straight to my heart.




True that it takes time to have this feeling. Also, it takes time to realise. It is something that is obliviously obvious. ill be missing you, now later and forever. Know that!

Labels: Time Checked: 04:08 PM