Superfarhan is on medical leave. Thus, leaving only me, the Wonderain to save the world alone by herself and defeat those Villains. The next stop will be at somewhere Tampines. Through Telepathy, I'll update you about the event later on, yea Superfarhan. Wonderain will take full charge of it, woohoo. So, dont ya worry. haha, LOL! ((:

Was downright bored while i was in the bus yesterday. Thus, took my phone out and messaged people about my boredom. Hahs. Pethetic as it may sound, the replies from those people have somehow cheered me up. Teehee. They were being very very irresistably cute! ((:

Message sent:
Lalalalaalalalala!! Bored bored bored!!!!!

Gary:
Siao!
; Waaah, siaan, you call me siao! LOL!

Shaun:
-.- msg Hasif lah.
; Crazy fellow! Of all many names... why must hasif? lol!

Helmi:
Kau okay? hahahaha
; Haha. helmi.. he never failed to make me giggle each time i think of him! haha. imagining him smiling while posting me tht qn.. "kau okay? hahaha" LOL!! Hahaahah!

Ady:
Haha ! Ape je . Bored gy blajar sana . Nyehah !
; haha ady! okay okay. gi blajar. jom blajar! teehee! =DD

Khairullah:
Huh! Nak kluar? Ain, g gelang? Jln2?
; i like him laah!! very cute! asking me out to Geylang? out of many places. hhaaha. =DD

Xing You:
Lol! I thought is my friend msg me asking me to go out le then when i open is ur msg sayaing lalala bored bored bored =.=!! haha
; hahaha Xing You! you make me giggle to myself in the bus you know!! haha.. It even giggled my Sister. haha cute la you!! =D

Izan:
Hee. Tak kluar?
; bukan nk ajak ain kluar. tanya je not enough!! hehe =D

Kaseh:
Come home QUICK!!
; can you be sweet and fetch me instead? ishk! hahs =D

Shaq:
hahahaha! Aku tengah tdo pon nak kacau ker? hahahaha.
; nyahahaha! i like this one the best! there were following msges from him that giggled me. haha.. merepek la Shaq! haha

Kai:
Lol! Y?
; Lol lah kaai! nyahaha!

Ben:
Eh, you siao ar??
; Waaah, the bengs so cute. call me siao! hahs =D

Haahahahahahahaha!! Arent they cute? Nyahaha! Lol! okay, now, i have another problem. Should i head down Tampines or meet Haqim at the void deck? Hmm.. One thing for sure, i dont feel that energetic upon knowing that Tampines will be ventured. At the same time, i dont wish to disappoint the parents. Gosh. I wanna study with Haqim but then, i'm too tired to have myself up. We'll see how. But, when i say NO, means No. So, I'm not gonna go Tampines. I dont feel like going so no matter what, i'm NOT going. Hmm...

Anyhoots, I've watched that Devil Beside You drama Series. Last episode made me cry my tears out. Ah meng decided to leave Qi Yue and went abroad with his biological Mum. He wanted to give his mum another chance to care for him and he, to receive the love he has never gotten from a mum before. Qi Yue was disappointed but for his happiness, she supressed the sadness and supported him instead untill a night when she couldnt take it. She was crying her lungs out and told him about the promises he made. In which that whatever obstacles that might come in between, he will forever be with her to protect and care for her. He then told her something, something that shattered her deeply. Well, even i was shattered by his words. "Dont wait for me."

Despite that, i'm in love with the ending (:

p.s: I want a Devil Boy for a soulmate! Hehs. Can i? :)


Anyway...................... I dreamt something weird the night before. LOL!

I dreamt that i delivered a baby. Haha! A very adorable chubbbbbby fair baby! Nyahaahaah! And guess what, that baby was a boy! Yayy! ((: The process of delivering him was surprisingly easy. I didnt feel any pain. ((:

Kaseh:
Kak, orang kata mimpi dengan reality opposite. Tak sakit dalam mimpi tandanya sakit nya dasyat nanti dalam reality.

Thanks eh little Sister! Roaaaaar~

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I was tryna let go. I was tryna disappear. I was tryna fly away. Yet it failed me over again. It was harder than i imagined. Like a current gripping you without any mercy. Like humans tryna run away from death. It baffled me with much surprised each time i think of this. That touch, just blew me away in my own skeptical world. That peck, like a touch of warmths sweep over me each time i relive those moments. For you know, i never intended to encounter such feelings. Why oh why. Why do i see you each time i close my eyes. Why oh why. Why do i feel you even if i were to be with others. And why oh why.. Why do i have to go though this when im not even ready to feel bits of it. I cant really put my finger on what kind of feeling im having now. Cause i never understood what it is from the very start. And i wish to never knew it till whenever. I wanna remain this way or perhaps, letting it decelerates. Wouldnt it be much happier that way?

It is for the better. time heals. smiles as the medication. despite how bitter it can be. Even if i need to fake it.

; I can no longer have anymore expectations of those arms that held me, and those gentle hands


Abang hilmi then came, like a bigbrother, rescuing his own little sister from commiting suicide. He raised her up and supported her. She then came to a realization that Goodbyes are not the only way out to solve problems. She then changed her mindset 360 degrees around.

Come what may, I will plaster these heartbreaks i'm feeling and will go through whatever that seem to come in between. For the sake of this genuine feeling i carry inside of me. And even if i failed, i'd still win as this feeling is truly sincere from the bottom of my heart. If i couldnt have it by touch, i'd still have it by sight. Loving from a distance and watching him from afar. For wherever this legs may carry me to, there'll be only one moon inside of me, inside of my heart, that none other can replace. Something i never regretted (:

Labels: Time Checked: 05:43 PM

WHY WHY LOVE





2 of the scenes in WHY WHY LOVE. Sweet! This drama, not only taught me about Love between two souls, also the love between friendship and family. The patience and the will of going through any hardship with the power of faith in within ourselves. I like Jia Di's Spirit. Also a phrase from her, "I dont discard things but I'll retrieve them", simply means that if she have something in her possession, she will keep it save with her and not let it slip away. She'll use all her might to have it back and be with it till the end of time. The power of love within her. Such a compassionate character she has there. Truly admire it all. (:

My day is gonna be dull without this drama. hohoho. Good thing that school is reopening soon. And i vow never to repeat the mistakes i did during semester one, which is to let the heart fall. Gonna keep it save with me. Nyaahaa! (:

Labels: Time Checked: 02:30 PM

Last night was boring. Perhaps because my ''Why Why love'' has ended. Thus, leaving me nothing to meddle around with. Luckily, there were some people who were there to shun my boredom away. haha. And ouh, got back in touched with this old chat mate of mine. Used to ignore him. But somehow, we became close after some random chattings.

Been a long while since i last chat long hours with someone stranger. But today was different. Prolly, our conversation reminds me of someone. Someone whom i suddenly feel so near yet so far. I donno what's going on between us. But it seems like there is. Well, i hope this good terms of us will last. I just cherish this friendship so much. Well, back to where i was. That chat friend is very cute. i mean.. his way of conversation is different compared to any other guys except for........ that friend of mine. No wonder, i couldnt stop myself from continue chatting with him. Their way of conversation was almost the same. So similar that at some point of time, i thought i was chatting with him. Gosh, it seems that im missing you... as a friend, that is! So yeah, thanks to that chat mate, i actually laughed so much while we were on our conversation. hehs. Miraculously, i finally got to know that both of them do know each other. Hahs! What a small world.

ps: Hey classmate, yesterday's meeting realised me of something. You're mean. You're annoying. You're devilicious, always create problems here and there. Forever acting immature even though you're more than that. Sometimes, i wonder if you know what and how a Gentleman should be like. You know, you're someone who dosent really know how to cherish and appreciate people at that instant. And someone who would only mend his ways back when something happened. But as long as it dosent affect you in any way, you will remain at where you are. That is you. I hate your ways. But... but deep down, i care for you. Sometimes, i just wish that i had not known u and could neutralise this deep concern for you. I wish so. Fortunately, i can feel that everything is slowly and STEADILY retarding. Well, a very good sign for the next semester. For i hate having deep feelings for someone like you! I'm sure you're too.

Somehow, im starting to dread school.


Last entry with green fonts all over.

Labels: Time Checked: 08:17 AM

School's starting soon. Too slow yet too fast. Haha. The moment i'm starting to enjoy this precious time, there it is, NYP's calling. Hahs. Heading out with the lil sister in hours time. Perhaps to town since she wanna get herself some stuffs. Or probably, getting some for me too. haha (: I just love her loads. Hehs. By, if i have the cash, everything will be on me aite! But now, your sister here is soon to go bankrupt lah! Haha (: Kidding, dinner and supper will be on me then. The rest will be under you. Fair enough! ((:

Something random struck my mind. And i was blown away by it, leading me to a deep thinking. Somehow, it does taught me one to two things.

Have you ever felt that what you own before was the only thing you will need throughout your entire life? And without it, it will be like you losing part of your true self forever?

Well, i once felt that way. That thing was too precious that i thought it was the only perfect one for me and nothing could ever replace it. It was torturous to let go. It was painful having to forget. After which, I dont wish to find any replacement for it cause to me, it was the only perfect one and no other would be as perfect as it. That was how precious it was to me despite the umpteen times i kept denying it each time i was asked.

I thought after that lost, i'd be on my own, searching back my identity with my own two feet. But then, miraculously there it came some thing which is like a ray of light to my darkness. Like a lightning, it strike without a sign. The happiness i feel is beyond what i'd imagine. It may not be as perfect as how i want it to be but it's enough to crave a blissful smile on my face. Each time when sadness fills, it'll be there as a sun to shine my life with its light. Thus, in my eyes, imperfectionly perfect it is. One in a million. Now, with it, my life seems much happier. Definitely, there'll be tears here and there. But with its presence, unconditionally without fears, i'll risk my heart for this.

Basically what i'm trying to say is.........

If you want something so badly, and if it's a Yes, it is actually meant for you from the very start.
But, if it's a No, you deserve something better. Something that would take your breath away. Something that would let your fantasies run wild and get near to reality. Thus, it'd be good if you were to wait, for thus, i'm sure you'll get something for yourself, the best! ((:


-Aku rela dipenjarakan di dalam sangkar hatimu.
Maafkan segala tingkah-lakuku. Terima kasih di atas segalanya, cinta sahabat.

Labels: Time Check: 11:24 AM

There she is, quietly in her slumber, on my lap. Adorable. A peck on her cheek is never enough for me. Looking at her, i feel so at ease. As though all my troubles fade away. You know what sis, each day, ill wait for every night to be by your side, to have you in my arms and sing you a lullaby to sleep. Yes, i love her so much. So much that words cant describe. Not even pictures. I may not be the best sister you can ever dream of. I may not be the good friend you can ever ask for. But i promise to be the bestest love who will catch you when you fall and lend you a shoulder to cry on. You know, you'll always be my baby girl no matter how old you are (: In my eyes, you are forever the star that shines, that glitters, who would give me a thousand reason to smile. I love you, babygirl! (:

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Well anyway, there'll be an event tomorrow in school. Gonna help out till late night. Supposedly should be going out swimming with the cousin. Unfortunately, i had to pospone it to another day. Yea, another unfortunate thing happened! Grr!

Ain:
By.... akak takdapat g swimming bsk ada school event. sedih!
Kaseh:
Next time ada. Tapi kan, mana tau ada hikmah disebaliknya.
Ain:
Apa nya? jangan macam macam eh by!
Kaseh:
Dapat jumpa seseorang. Love story happens. Macam cerita High school musical?
Ain:
Ah ye! Nk love story dengan sapa pula?
Kaseh:
Love campus lah kakak. Terjumpa pelajar kat sana. Love between two strangers. Lagipon, kakak ni kan dramatic! hehe!

Siow~

High School Musical? Love Campurs? Love between two strangers? And me Dramatic? Ridiculous! Hahs! Funny lah that girl!

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So anyway, i was chatting with Hairul awhile ago. Kaseh was being very very cute. Way cuter than before. And that was when after seeing my conversation with Hairul. Haha!

Ain:
Yang kaseh gigit tangan akak apa hal.
Kaseh:
*Kept on biting while i kept on avoiding.
Ain:
Lain kali, kalau kaseh chat dgn matair kakak or sapa2.. akak gigit kaseh pula okay!
Kaseh:
Tak dapat ahhh!! adik berbual sikit ngn matair kakak ke sapa-sapa. kakak mengamuk, buang muka! hahaha! nak kaseh buat gitu kat kakak jugak? Hmph! Chat lagi Senyum Senyum! Hmphh!

And Hairul, Aku kakak, Kau adik okay? Even though kau one year older. Alaaaa, one year aje! HAHAS! ((:

LOL! okaay. I'm going off now to watch One piece. And to that Special Someone, who said ive shrugged it off?

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Akan ku hapuskan segala rindu ini. Getting the neutral atmosphere back again.

Labels: Time Checked: 10:36 PM

I never knew someone could have this kind of an effect on me. I never knew i could feel this once again. I never knew my heart could shatter yet again. All along, i thought a stone ive came to be. Well, truth is, no. I never wanted to cry after that day, after the initial one. I never wanted to be weak emotionally like how i used to. I never wanted to feel any emotions. I thought ive succeeded. I thought all of those have vanished away from my life. True, i never wanted to experience any heartbreaks. Thus, letting me to shun all feelings i tend to have for someone. For the tendency of me crushing on guys is high, i admit. BUT to love them deep down from the heart is something not easy. And hence, if i feel love, that love will i only see within my heart, no matter who i'm with or where i am. The reason why im afraid to fall in love yet again. Afraid that it'd only eat me up alive from behind. I rather be on my own than sharing my life with someone where i know there'll be challenges ahead of us. I used to be a risk taker in the games of heart. But now, not anymore.

However, something struck me in the head. Was pretty shocked by it. Surprisingly, i found myself shedding tears because of something pretty small. Weirdly, my mind would run wild thinking of many uncertainties and thus, ghosting me like a vampire haunting for human blood. It was tormenting having to feel that way. It was torturous having to feel the missing presence. Surprisingly, that was what i felt for the past days. Crying to sleep, thinking of all negativities and keep on worrying about something really torturing my soul, even distrupting all of my mood. But at once, when there was clashes of the voice, everything came back to normal. As though, it eases the soul despite the excruciating dispute. Weird but true. What does that mean? I couldnt understand it. I care? Well, i care for everyone. Missing presence? Well, i'm missing alot of people. But it never came to the extend that i would shed my precious tears or would erupt like a volcano. What feeling was that actually? And why on earth do i have to feel that way?

Maybe i know. Maybe im just ignoring the truth. Maybe i'm in reluctance to admit. Even if i am, i have to let it go. I cannot take it with me. I cannot let the feeling succumb me. It'll be too hard to handle. Neutralising it may not be a wise idea since it cannot be forced to let go that instant. But i guess, all i could do is to maintain it that way, hoping to see just a friendship in the near future. Learning as a good friend is what i have to start doing, just like those days. For the sake of this friendship, that is.



Those tissues are still there in the heart box. And forever the fragrance of ur sincerity will always be near straight to my heart.




True that it takes time to have this feeling. Also, it takes time to realise. It is something that is obliviously obvious. ill be missing you, now later and forever. Know that!

Labels: Time Checked: 04:08 PM

Sometimes i wonder if my feelings were acknowledged.
Sometimes i wonder if you even care.
Sometimes i wonder if you even bother.

Only once in a blue i moon, i'd express the missing presence i have for u, the care i feel for u, hoping that u'd cherish those seldom messages. Unfortunately, you dont. You ignored them without even replying. I doneed every day conversation. I doneed every moment messages. All i need is just an acknowledgement. Just a simple ONE is enough. But you dont seem to understand. You said, dosent mean you didnt reply means you know nothing. It's human nature for me to feel that dissappointment. What if you were me, in my shoes. How would you react. Tell me. Its like the feeling you felt when i ignored your umpteen calls. Im hating you. I dont wanna feel the same way i do now. And i hate the fact that i miss you. Dont bother saying hello. Im not gonna return any of those. I hate you. Period!




Those past emails were my companion through each night. They craved a blissful smile on my face, despite the tears shed.

Labels: Time Checked: 11.49 AM

Its getting dark.
The sun's setting soon.
The stars are not showing.
The lights are becoming dimmer.
I'm not gonna care.
I'm not gonna say words.
Enough of yesterday.
Till the end of time.
I'll bury myself from the eyes.
Not even from any other senses.
Cos im not gonna bother.
Be it in whatever reasons.
Im sticking firmly to what the heart says.
So long it shall be.

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3 solid rounds around the bedok stadium at 650am was superb! Been a long while since i ran my lungs out. Perspiration and the beatings of the heart was what i needed. Syahmeer reached at 7.22am. Had another one to two rounds with him. After which, we had our chatting moments till around 10am before we proceeded for our breakfast. Playground was then ventured. Awesome swing just made my day. Thanks Syahmeer for everything today. You know, i love you many many lah my friend! Hahaha! =DD

Swinging? It reminds me of a post i ranted a few months ago. I shall put it down here. Yes, now, im letting go of a feeling. That feeling.

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The pool of sand. The black swing. Those two things were the cure to every of my emotional diseases and still are. The moment i located myself at that black swing, it suddenly swayed a little, freely. As I kicked the sand right below me, the swing began to sway faster and faster. Higher than the mountain, deeper than the ocean.

As I swayed myself up high, to and fro, I recalled back those awful moments i encountered in my life, ever since the start of my teens. They were bittersweet. Sometimes, I wish i was out of it. Yet, I'm glad that it did happen to me, leaving memories as experiences. A whole load of new things i learnt, not only about myself but also regarding inside-out of this unpredictable life.

Sometimes in life, there are limits to everything. As humans, we can never get the chance to go beyond them. There will be a time in life, we'll wish for things that seem to never come true. When that kind of situation takes place, heartbreaks will definitely develop. In which, it will lead us to disaster. No doubt, there are cases about people slitting their wrists, jumping down the building, commiting suicide. Well, it's because they are too heart broken to mend their heart back. In another words, they are too weak to let go. Too vulnerable, too fragile. Unfortunately.

Just like when you're swinging. There will be a limit to how far and how high you can swing. Once you've reached your maximum, there'll be a kind of nauseous feeling you'll encounter. You'll then be swept over with fright that will eventually stir you to stop the swing immediately. In another words, you give up. Holding on to your fear, yet to let it go.

I swang and I swang forward, ignoring the feelings that seemed to engulf me. Higher i went, bringing myself to exceed my limits. With that, I embraced myself to the wind, to the breeze, capturing all the peace and tranquilty from the atmosphere. As I took in each and every of them, as I swang myself ahead, I shed all the loads off my shoulder. One by one, they fell off to the sand, feeling myself lighter. Finally, at my last lap, I breathed the air so hard, with my eyes clamped so tight, calling back those teary moments. And then, I let go, exhaling out all the unnecessary stuffs in my life.

Thanks to Allah, all of my problems, sorrows, tensions have been displaced with calmness, peace and tranquils. The wind, the breeze then blew towards me, signing a sign of relief and happiness. Perhaps, more to congratulating me. Alhamdulillah, finally, I'm at ease (:

Gone.

Please. Erase the word care.

Labels: Time Checked: 07:56 PM

I have like tonnes of pictures to upload them here. Apparently, due to my plain laziness, each time i felt like putting them up, the intention will just disappear and i will meddle myself with other things instead. Insya-Allah if god willing, i shall upload all photos in my very photo album. A place which ive left it stranded for quite a period. Somehow or rather, i felt like having it in my possession once again.

In the meanwhile, check out Kaseh's blog to know the things that have been happening currently. She's with me for now. So where ever she is, i'll always be there. Most of the time, that is! Im considering to shut this blog down. Well, i dont feel the need of it like how i used to. I donwanna let it rot that way. But we'll see how. Yet to confirm. No, i never intend to move to another url. Blogger shall always stay in the heart. Even though there are many others like onsugar etc. Once a blogger fan, always one. (:

19th October, the start of the next semester. Im anticipating the day. Excited to see it coming. I need school. I'm missing the companions. Most of all, i miss 0909's lamest jokes. Hhas!

Aside that, i miss my fellow 4e2007. Especially GFs. Seems that, this holiday, there isnt any time for us to spend the utmost moments with each other. Not even Hari Raya outing. I wish that i could see the 08's Raya outing once more. I miss that year. Really. I wish i could be 17 once again. 2008 was awesome. Seriously it was. Being 18 dosent feel that great if compared to being 17. Hahs!

And ouh, guess what, SOMEONE, A STRANGER, thought that i am FOURTEEN. Baaaah~

Kaseh:
Kak, kekek pe umur kakak kene 14.
Ain:
Tu la. Muka kakak mcm budak budak ke?
Kaseh:
hehe. Okay pe. Advantage.
Ain:
Ape yang advantage. Cuba terang sikit.
Kaseh:
Kaseh banyak junior sec 2 sec 3, nak kaseh kenal-kenalkan dorang dengan kakak? hehe
Ain:
*Roll eyes*

Tak perlu ye kaseh. Macam-macam lah ni budaaak. Ada je perkara yang dia nak sakat kakak dia sendiri tau. Hish.

Speaking of which, dont talk to me about boys. Or u'll see me rolling my eyes at you. Hahas.

Labels: Time Checked: 1.26 PM

I miss the clan. Yes, they're coming over soon. Sadly, i dont think ill be joining them. Due to some reasons which ive just told abang hilmi. Worst, I then got a good scolding from him. "STOP MAKING LAST MINUTE CHANGES!" wahlou eh. hahas. Well other than that, later at 5pm, ill be heading out with the family to a ''perjumpaan hari raya''. So yeap, afraid that i might not be able to reach there on time, i made a point to forgo the raya outing. Actually, i can still join in and go off before 5pm. However, the mood in me presently dosent seem good. According to Abang, "Ni raya outing bukannya modelling interview" Hahaa! That guy ehh, tengah marah pon sempat buat lawak. whahaa. Okie! So yup. This thing has really affect me in a terrible way. So SYAHMEER, this monday pagi mesti ON okay? Sayaaaang kau! Hahas! ((:

And the clan still has yet to reach my house. They're late! Hahas. What ever it is, i miss them. Very. Seriously yes yes yes! I miss them! Koraaaang, jom buat bbq satu hari laaa! Most of all, i miss the time when we all used to hang around together. Be it anywhere, just for slacking moments. Those years, my precious years. Now, it seems that every one has their own things to meddle with. So do i. But i hope this dosent affect our friendship in anyway. ((:

AIN RINDU KORANG SEMUA WALAUPUN KORANG COMING TO MY HOUSE IN MINUTES TIME! hahahaah!

Terhaaaaru taaaak? ((:

Labels: Time Check: 11:30AM