Love; the three words. Do not swear at all.

Although i see joy in you, i have no joy of this contract: It is too rash, too unadvised, too sudden, like the lightning, which does cease to be ere one can say, 'It lightens'. Sweet, hold on to the line and dont let go. I wish...

28th January 2009. That night, a night full of memories and passion. I never felt that way before. The night that made me realised how wonderful life is. It was so wondrous that i felt as though i was one of those characters in the Fairytale Land. When i was younger, i adored those tales, as a happyhappy ever after seems to be always in the hand. However, as i grew older, i realised that life isn't that fair afterall. Always mark by injustice or deception. That was when i put an end to my Fairy tale land, and moved towards the reality.

But that night, it was different. It took all of my pain away. And left me breathless in my own fairy-wonder-lala-land. It was the moment, a moment i never felt before in my whole entire life. If only i could rewind everything back here in this blog, i definitely will tell from the very start. Sadly i cant. All I could do is to only relive those moments in my head. Gosh, I never thought, it can really has a great effect on me. I'm loving each and every second of it!

Unfortunately, like Cinderella, i had to be back by 11pm. (even though shes by 12)
That was the time when i shed a tear in my heart. I donwanna let go. Neither do i wanna be apart. Everything just crashed in the mind. All mixed up. For once, I felt so lost. Terribly lost. Will i see it once again? But till when? Till the start of my school? Gosh, I'm tearing right now. Just like Romeo and Juliet, adieu is in the midst of us, just like the hunter hunting for its prey. The prey to the reality, we'll be. God! Will that really happen?

Come what may, i shall pray that may the curtain falls, not on the darkness of our tomb, but on the brightness of it.

It was so impactful that after the goodbyes, the hands seemed to tremble, the mind instantly was in absolute daze, and smiles were all over. Hallucination seemed to occupy the entire mind that i didnt notice even a bit of me biting the thumb. The impingement to it all.

It's going to be tough. To part. You and I,
we've been blessed to know each other.
So.. when it's time, and when it starts to hurt,
just pray. I may not be there to give you what you need
but God is there. He is the only one who can help you.
Not me. Not anymore. Don't be sad.
Life's like this when we get ourselves strangled in such delicate situations.

Know this little kitten, whatever you're going through,
I'm going through it too.

You simply ease me with your genuine words yet again. Thanks, you! Friendship till the end of time! That is for sure, the moment April steps in, the reality in the real world.


p/s: BITTERSWEERT shall be the name to it all!

Yesterday's dinner with the family was something i would really hold dear in my heart and cherish loads. It has been 18 years since we've been together, and for all of those years, i never once in my life feel neglected, nor out of love. They simply never fail to shower me with love and care. The happiness of it all. The meals were sumptuous that i really felt bloated there after. Alhamdulillah. The table of 10 people was no doubt, chaotic, tattling about all sorts of thing. I simply love the feeling. The atmosphere at that point of time was so intensely great that i wish it'd prolong till the end of time. Hehs! ;)

More pictures are still being trapped in Kak Yanti's cam. Surely will post it up as soon as I received it from Cousin Izan, that lovely companion of mine, who never fail to be always there for me despite when and where :) Thanks, darl!

Credits to SISkaseh's Cam phone, Hehs! =b








BY THE WAY, something from LILSISkaseh's blog that has really touched me inside-out. Hehe, sayang kaseh manyak mannyak.. be there in my arms again tonight, alright. Mwah! (:

Whenever i meet a roadblock as I travel, I know there is a good reason for that obstacle to be here at that place and time. I also know there is another way to my destination. And all I know is that in all matters, faith is the way around obstacles and challenges. As i use my faith in God, I tap into the creativity and resourcefulnss God has already given me. Spirit helps me find a way past any obstacle. Spirit moves through me as the wisdom and strength to do what I need to do. In touch with God, I realise unlimited potential. My goals are attainable, new ideas flood my mind, and I am guided to the right solutions. I welcome each day with joy and expectation, for I am lifted in spirit by my belief in the power of God to see me through.

Thus, because there is only one of me, there is no one else who can give to the world what I have to give. Every experience of my life has led me to this point, for every moment in life is a learning experience. So I am patient and kind with myself because I am learning someting new each day. I am doing the best I know how to do today, but my best can always become better. As i learn to let the spirit of God shine brightly in and through all my actions, I am being a light of God in my world. And I realise that in being true to the spirit of God within me, I am becoming more and more the creation I was created to be.

But, if I could actually feel the effects of my thoughts on my body, I would probably be amazed. I would feel peaceful, quiet thoughts relax my blood vessels so that my whole body would be nourished continually and fully. And if i could actually feel how the positive words I speak affect me physically, I might experience a stimulating energy caressing the very cells of my body. Yet, how do I think peaceful, refreshing thoughts when I am in a crisis? How do I speak calmly when I am under presure? Hmmmm.....

Well, i believe i can do both by relying on the spirit of God within me to be the source of serenity in my thoughts and in my words. I may not always be aware of just how much inner peace blesses my body, but it does. With each peaceful thought and word, the blessing of serenity occurs. Insya'Allah. And now, I'm adapting myself to live my life, in my very own fantasy world...... Well, that's the least I could do actually. Reality struck me really hard though!

One thing for sure, I'm not gonna release the line and let go of it. No and Never. Double Ns! Period!

Captured deep in thoughts of you :)

Caught Candid, ignore the weird smile LOL!



The Babyboy (:



The duet, at last (:



Finally I'm legal in the eyes of law. Been years since i waited for today to arrive. A year where i can take up all the things i've been wanting to involve myself in. There are pretty loads actually. Mainly, both car and the bike license. Surely, gonna persue them. Gonna register myself on this coming 5th. Woohoo! Insya'Allah (:

Yesterday, actually, thought of staying home and read up the books that i've borrowed. 'If we kiss' was one of them. A book which was introduced by that very true friend of mine, Annisa alias casper. Yea, according to that book, "What would happen if we kiss?" LOL! ;)

My words are true yesterday! When i say i Love, means I really Love!



♥♥♥ YOU ;
you were there to light my day
you were there to guide me through
when our days were down and out
i'll never stop thinking of you

how can i forget all that
when you're the one who make me smile
you'll always be apart of me
how i wish you were still mine

never will forget the day
how we've met and gain this far
eventhough we got this feeling
but somehow it has to end up here
we know it me who said goodbye
and thats the hardest thing to do
coz you mean so much to me
and thats the truth for me to you

for all the things i've done and say
for all the hurt that i've cost you
i hope you will forgive me baby
coz that wasn't what i meant to do

Lyrics, full of deeep meaning, i simply love the song (:
for you, simply for you, Sugar Love <3

I've been tagged by my DARLING GIRFRIEND. That very sweeetheart of mine! Gosh, now i'm missing her! When's our next meeting, dearest? (=

p/s: sayang, definitely there'll be an outing for the express malay girls yea! Insya'allah! Catch up soon. Miss you all, manymany lor! Hehe (:

Before that, HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY TO MY ZAHARA BTE SULAIMAN! May all the happiness be with you always. And all the best in you future endeavours. Miss you much! Lets hang out someday with the rest, aite? (((:

Rules must be followed:

Each blogger must post this rules.
Each blogger must start with ten random facts about themselves.
Bloggers that are tagged need to write about their own blog, ten things and post this rules.
Don't forget to leave them comments telling them they have been tagged and are to read your blog.

10 Random Facts about me.
1) I've done this before, in my previous previous post, hahaa (lame!)
2) I'm FULL of surprises! haha so Beware! hehs! =b
3) I donno how to entertain people, so i usually tend to ignore or block them, except those whom i wish to entertain and get the attention from, dots!
4) I tend to hallucinate in my own dreamy world, sometimes. The reason why i couldnt seem to walk straight at times, hoho
5) I'm a fast walker, who loves to walk! Just love being kanchiong! =]
6) I love to sweat and get the heart to beat and pump rapidly! =D
7) I'm not that into MRT. Busses are much preferable, giving me the opportunity to appreciate the scenery and the environment, hehs (:
8) I simply love being at home!
9) I do things with passion at heart. So if i've no interest on something, i'll say goodbye! Unfortunately, in life, not all things are gonna go my way. Have to imply the give-and-take attitude then (:
10) I'm a book-aholic! Especially William Shakspere's novels. Simply appreciate his authentic way of language used (:


1. Who's the person that tagged you??
My Darling Sweetheart, Elfyee (:

2. Relationship between you & her??
Shes my beloved Girlfriend, whom I cherish LOADS! =)

3. Three impressions of her??
Loving
- Someone who cares for others' well being.
Sweet
- Someone who prefers to do/say something which are all from the bottom of her heart.
Thoughtful
- Always think of others first, even if that would put herself at risk.

4. If she becomes your enemy, you will??
Never. But if that day does happen, then it simply means that the world has been poisoned by hatreds. (LOL!)

5. What will you say to the person you like very much??
I'll beat around the bush. And for the rest, I shall totally hand them to the other party. It's their wish to do whatever they like. Not gonna make the first move though, hoho!

6. Characteristic I like about myself??
I do things passionately. So if i say 'i love'. means I REALLY love.

7. Characteristic I hate about myself??
Unfortunately if i've no interest on something, dont bother wait for me. Cause adieu shall be in the name of it all.

8. For the person whom you hate, you say??
Insya'allah, i shall undo the hatreds and spread the love instead (:
Well, i shall just keep mum about it and try to resolve it myself.

9. What do people feel about you??
Well, someone out there says i'm endearing. Wait, it's my CLUMSINESS that seems to be endearing actually. LOL! *winks!

10. Your crush??
Uhmmm... You know, I know, We know! (:

11. Pass this to 10 people:
1) Jiwangster
2) Ida
3) Dzariff
4) Ilma
5) Azeez
6) Liyana
7) Rafi
8) Casper
9) Helmi
10) Serene

12. If 5 & 7 were together??
Azeez and Rafi? Hehehe! No comments! haha (:
Seriously, no comments! But that would make a cute couple though, hehehe!
But, i'm afraid Jiwangster will get a seared in his heart, seeing both of his loves get together, LOL! *oops! No offence, play play only ar! No joke no fun right?* ;)

13. Who does 5 like??
Wooo! I'm not sure myself. Perhaps he's still cant get over the past. Maybe? Do update me yea, MRazeez! Outing 1st Feb ehh? ;)

14. What colour does 9 like??
Hmmm.. Always see him in black or white. Maybe. Not sure. =)

15. Say something bout 8??
Uhmm.. ahem! She's someone i find so special in my eyes. Someone who'll get me blush all over. And someone whom i see sincerity in her heart from her eyes (: That's Annisa! My very true friend, Casper (:

16. Who is 2??
Ida! My bf's god-sister. A very nice person to talk to and a very down to earth girl, hee
I like you very much la, can? hehe lol! =D

17. Talk about 3.
Dzariff, a very sweet guy with full of craziness inside, haha! BF's bestfriend. Someone who will always be there when you need someone to talk to. And someone whom ive not seen for quite sometime too, haha!

18. Who is 10's best friend??
All i knew is, IM HER BESTFRIEND! hehehe.
Serene! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I MISSED YOU? beeen two years since we met! GOSH, im so gonna blog about you one day lar darling, with all our pictures all over the entry! MEET UP SOON PLEASE! i badly need to see you!!!! Been a while since we hugged yea, girlfriend? hmph! hahaha!

19. Who's the sexiest among all 10??
Sexiest yea? All seem sexy to my eyes. You know, everyone has their own uniqueness? Thats the reason to why they're sexy to me! You people are really sexy in your very own way (:

20. What colour does 4 like??
Hmmm.. But she looks admiringly good in Blue. (: SERIOUS!
There was a time when you took pictures with your honeyboo, with your blue top. And you looked so really good in it ;)

21. Is 4 single??
Gosh, if only she's single. HAHAHA (Ok ilma, you know i know we know we have the thing for each other yea? HAHA LOL) Well, neahh! shes taken! Haruda's property :)

22. Your relationship with 1??
My very special companion, the love of my life. MY boyfriend :)
Hopefully gonna be my man too in times to come, in the near future, insya'allah (:

23. Are 5 & 6 best friend??
Azeez and Liyana? Hmm..
Well, i supposed they ever heard of each other before but don think they're friends.
But who knows, one day might be? hehs! ;)

24. 9's surname??
I doubt he has one. A malay he is, by the way (:

25. 7's nickname??
Hmmm... since he's yet to have one, i shall call him Rafff Rafffff! LOL!

26. Say something to 8.
Casper? Uhmm.. You know, i'll not be back to morning shift till this very day, so yeah, just so you know, i'm gonna miss you much. Remember to msg me if the missing presence is unbearable, hehs (: Take care yea! EAT WELL, REST WELL! (: And ohh, one last thing, keep on running! Cos i simply love the feeling :)

27. Say something to help 9.
Helmi? Are you in need of help? What kind of help? Aight, I shall help you out!
Give me a holla and you'll get help! Well, that's a form of help too, yea? Haha ;P

28. Who do I admire??
I admire anyone who has a kind heart and a beautiful soul. (:

29. Where does 1 live??
Pasir Ris (:

30. 10 of them know who you like??
Nope, I supposed only three knew about it. Perhaps, Jiwangster, Rafi and Azeez. Cause i remembered telling them that, hehs! (:

31. Say something to 6 when you see her.
Liyana? haha, i shall say... ''Hello! We bumped into each other again! But it has been a while though! Kinda missed you, hehs'' And then, i shall bring out the unexpected thing that has happened some days before. which was about the message thingy. So freaky yet so cute. Eh Li? I wonder what happens if we both were to receive some private messages from others? LOL! That will be like, wooo, haha! ;)

32. 10's spouse??
Hmmm... She has never update me about that before! Hmph! But for sure, to me, SHES MINE! lol! hehe *serene, you better read this! and we better book each other one of these days! I'm dying to meet you! Haiya! ;)

It was beautiful. Even though it didnt turn out right at the very start of the day, things began to settle down somewhere after Isyak. Seriously it was unexpected. Yes, unexpected is what we can describe about us. Having the time spent with each other the night before, even though it was a while, still it meant a lot. It is not the quantity of time that matters, but the quality of it is what more important to me. Forever that will be.

In this world, indeed, there are loads of limitations. But, definitely not when we reached heaven.


I'm gonna miss you, terribly.


It was sweet, very sweet. Indeed sweet! But, isnt sweetness bad for us? For our health?

Hmm.. Life, you are so strange. Yet, interesting at times, full of surprises, sweet, simply abliss.
But.... the defects you imbed on us are so unbearable. I shall talk about it more in my later post. Heading off to work! (:

One thing for sure, God understands us MORE than anyone else. For that, I thank Allah, and may he blow the breeze of faith to me.. to us, to overcome this test together, Insya'Allah (:

I neeeed the swing again. But till when will i have to depend on it, you tell me!


It's 2 in the wee hours right now. And i cant seem to shut my eyes off. Annoying, seriously it is!
Heading Ngee Ann Poly afterwards to meet a friend. That special friend of mine. Been aeons since i met that person. Hopefully that person could somehow be the cure to my current emotional crisis. Thought the swing could help, unfortunately it did, only for a little while. Hais! And now, everything is back to scratch. All the memories start to flash through once again like movies without sound. Seriously tormenting. I wish there is a such thing called memories-erazer. Unfortunately, there isn't!

In dilemma. Whether should I drop by MPL before heading NP, since I'll be meeting that friend at 6.30pm later on. Maybe i'll go, since i need to borrow a book from area 624 general. However, theres a thing in me, telling me to shrug that intention off. Gosh, I'm seriously stuck in between right now! Arghhh, i neeed to let this thing off my chest as soon as possible, seriously! Wait till later at 6.30pm. I shall talk it out from A to Z. Hopefully, everything will be done and got over with after which! Insya'allah!

-

Night's candles are burnt out, and jocund day stands tiptoe on the misty mountain tops. I must be gone and live, or stay and die.

You, away, be gone!

Baby if we met each other under a different sky
Maybe then
things would be much better between you and I
We could always hold on
to this one special thing we share
But it would be too much for us to bear

p/s: Darling BF, all the best for your napfa yea! Love you! (:
NS, I plea you dont come by! No farewell between me and my man, please!

The pool of sand. The black swing. Those two things were the cure to every of my emotional diseases and still are. The moment i located myself at that black swing, it suddenly swayed a little, freely. As I kicked the sand right below me, the swing began to sway faster and faster. Higher than the mountain, deeper than the ocean.

As I swayed myself up high, to and fro, I recalled back those awful moments i encountered in my life, ever since the start of my teens. They were bittersweet. Sometimes, I wish i was out of it. Yet, I'm glad that it did happen to me, leaving memories as experiences. A whole load of new things i learnt, not only about myself but also regarding inside-out of this unpredictable life.

Sometimes in life, there are limits to everything. As humans, we can never get the chance to go beyond them. There will be a time in life, we'll wish for things that seem to never come true. When that kind of situation takes place, heartbreaks will definitely develop. In which, it will lead us to disaster. No doubt, there are cases about people slitting their wrists, jumping down the building, commiting suicide. Well, it's because they are too heart broken to mend their heart back. In another words, they are too weak to let go. Too vulnerable, too fragile. Unfortunately.

Just like when you're swinging. There will be a limit to how far and how high you can swing. Once you've reached your maximum, there'll be a kind of nauseous feeling you'll encounter. You'll then be swept over with fright that will eventually stir you to stop the swing immediately. In another words, you give up. Holding on to your fear, yet to let it go.

I swang and I swang forward, ignoring the feelings that seemed to engulf me. Higher i went, bringing myself to exceed my limits. With that, I embraced myself to the wind, to the breeze, capturing all the peace and tranquilty from the atmosphere. As I took in each and every of them, as I swang myself ahead, I shed all the loads off my shoulder. One by one, they fell off to the sand, feeling myself lighter. Finally, at my last lap, I breathed the air so hard, with my eyes clamped so tight, calling back those teary moments. And then, I let go, exhaling out all the unnecessary stuffs in my life.

Thanks to Allah, all of my problems, sorrows, tensions have been displaced with calmness, peace and tranquils. The wind, the breeze then blew towards me, signing a sign of relief and happiness. Perhaps, more to congratulating me. Alhamdulillah, finally, I'm at ease (:

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.

How easy it is for me to stop thinking about something I am concerned about may depend on how serious I think the challenge is. Yet does worry ever really help? Never! So I let go of worry and give my time and energy to what does help: I affirm my faith in God to guide and support me. The answers to the questions in my heart are found in the wisdom of God. I let go, knowing that God is ready to work through me and others to bring about what is best for all. I believe prayer helps. I welcome the strength and assurance that i feel in being in communion with God. And I trust that my prayers reach out in a powerful and positive way to all those who are involved in the situation.

P/s: I let go and Let God Guide Me.

Comes through loud and clear.
I wish I could ease her worries.
But the truth is, I'm not positive.

I'm not bleeding inside, believe me. Lets remain the way we were. Friendship. With that, ends never meet (: Apologise, for it seems that my arrival do you nothing but only harm.

Sincerely,
Nur

Somewhere outside. Heading home about an hour time, i hope. Hoho. Some people just love to make me wait. Hmm.. haha!


Something, something special. Something so special that you can't seem to see it go, away from your life. Unfortunately, there is no way you can keep it safe with you, taking it as yours. No matter how hard you try to keep it, no matter how much efforts you put in, there is still no way, there can never be a way to let it remain there by your side, not even close to you, like how you always yearn for it to.

Have you ever feel that kind of feeling before? Well, personally I do. Little did i know, a dear friend of mine too has the same kind of problem. The only difference is, my problem is more to about someone, while her, maybe about some kind of thing, perhaps.

There is this someone whom i find so special in my life. No, this isnt the first time i'm feeling this way. I admit that there are some others whom i do cherish, be it people from the past or current. However, this time round, it's a bit different. Having to let it go is a sure and a guaranty thing in life. In another words, I have to. Gfs said, it's forbidden. Well, true enough it is. Even though i've gone through a lot of it before, but those weren't as difficult or forbidden as this. Sometimes, i'm afraid to even forsee what will happen in the future. Sounds strange? Yea, that isnt me! For i am that someone who thinks and looks out for future happenings. Weirdly, not this time round. I'm too scared to see it coming. Timid i am, yea it can't be denied. Well, I guess that's life. Perhaps, like what typical people would say, time will heal. With time, the pain, the wound will certainly be healed. I hope. But it's hard, i believe its gonna be hard. So hard that i can feel it right now, like a sharp razor searing my heart apart. Yes, that kind of feeling, that kind of pain. Somehow, i have to keep it low and be cool about it. Cos it's out of my reach. Seriously, i cant do anything about it. I'm just a human, with no special powers. I'm just His slave. All i could do is to seek refuge from him. May i find and gain the lost peace in me.

That goes the same to you too, dear friend. Even though i'm not certain of the special thing that has led you to this situation, i hope everything will turn out right for you in times to come. May you be out of this misery soon. May you find a cure to it. Sometimes, some things are meant to let go, no matter how heart-wrenching it can be sometime.

i wanna stand with you on a mountain.
i wanna bathe with you in the sea.
i wanna lay like this forever, until the sky falls down on me.

p/s: tears, if only you could do something. i wish.

p/s: Do take notice of the note written for you, beloved GFs. At the last paragraph (:


I'm not sure what's running through my mind right now. At one point of time, I'd feel a terrible daze taunting me. Yet, at the same time, a strange feeling would seize me thoroughly. In which, I'll tend to hallucinate in my own world of fantasy. I never thought this would ever happen to me, nor do i wish for it to come upon. Due to that, lecturing session took place today after work, which was held by one of my dearest girlfriend, Tini. She took my handphone by force and kept it with her. Fortunately, i could get hold of it again, phew!

Anyway, spent the whole of the evening with her. Felt good after a long time since we met. Somehow, i miss those days when all the GFs came together, having those authentic backbitting session at TP. Camwhored and chatted about many things. According to her, I've changed alot. Well, perhaps. Since she has ever been in the situation before, i supposed she should know what's there deep down in my heart right now. Certainly, i'm confused. Bewildered by all the unexpected. So unexpected that i never expect it to happen. Not even to arise. However, strangely, theres a feeling that somewhat stirs me rapidly inside. It's really weird. So weird that Tini had to asked me what has actually gotten into me. Seriously, i have no answer to it. It just came without i knowing it. It just happened unexpectedly. Basically, It arose without seeking my permission. No, i never grant any approval to it. Yet, the anxiousnes in me would grow by the day. Well then, we'll see what's next.

Photos that were taken a while ago with my darling TCC! (Tini Cute Cute)
Hhahaha Hakk-Tui! =bbb

p/s: Someone pestered me to put the pictures up here! hahahahaah! ehh tini ehh?? *You know i know we know* hahaha! meet up again aite! Next time, its gonna be my turn fetching you from your work... BY MY CAR! or perhaps by my KAWASAKI NINJA? hahahaah =D Before kau reply aku apa-apa, aku ckp BASKET kat kau dulu ehh! haha ;)

Yea, pursuing bike license is GUARRANTY CHOP-CHOP! haha, insyaallah! :)




















To my beloved Girlfriends,

Elfyee, I am terribly sorry for having to cancel our plan on Monday. Seriously, it was out of my mind to be working that night. I seriously wanna meet you up and give you a very big hug! I'm missing you so much! We definitely gonna meet up one of these days! We have to meet up! I love you. And do call me up when you're free aite! For I'll be waiting for it :)

Diyana, thanks for the call that night. I was so shock to hear news from you. All this while, you became MIA, leaving both me and elfyee in troubled mind. Please dont do that again. And I'm terrible surprised that you're jealous about-something. haha. Whatever it is, remember, you're still my RomeoDiyanaSaur and I'm still your very Romantic Juliet! he he he! Meet up sooon, please! I'm missing your hugs and kisses, lor! hahaha LOL! And AKU SHOULD BE THE ONE JEALOUS DGN KAU NYA JAPANESE ACTRESS/ACTOR YANG KAU GILAKAN TU OKAY, HMPH! hahaha



Without you, it feels so empty. I wonder why. Weird yet true.