I'm afraid to go through this thing again. Once bitten twice shy. Forget about relationship. Its the process of getting into it is what i'm scared off. I dont wish to fall in love any time sooner. But head over heels, it seems that i'm starting to have the thing for someone. Still immature but in times to come, i'm sure it'll soon be ripen. Apparently my heart now seems to skip a beat as i think of all this.. of that someone.

I once fell in a deeep crush for a guy back then in 2004. The feelings remained till somewhere earlier 2009. We were close friends and still are. He was someone i admired truly, adored so much and loved terribly. He was like a special diary to me. Never i tried to keep anything away from him. He has never been kept in the dark about anything. Everything seemed to be shared with him. And he never failed to entertain me with his never-ending jokes. We used to be onlined and sms-ed till late wee hours. One thing i liked about him was the messages he sent. They were long and compact. Always make my heart go gugu gaga. Missed him, the old him, no doubt to it. But Alhamdulillah, the feelings have faded. Even though our communication never seemed to die off, but the feelings have vanished. Five years were'nt a short period of time. I believe both of us have gone through alot together even though there were'nt any knots between us. Everything seemed to just happen deep down in the heart, without we realised it.

And now, i thought i can be freed from all the feelings. Cause basically if i were to fall for someone, i'll tend to do everything for that very person. And I have this feeling that this time round, if i let it to fully ripe, the feelings will be more intense and more stronger, fortiefied by many other external factors. Wow! Still unsure if it's a good sign. Cause one thing for sure, my heart has already closed. Tightly shut. And NO entry! Gosh! Just what is the feeling I'm having right now? Is this the start of everything? Or perhaps, the beginning to the end? In which like other typical stories, hello goodbye? This is tooooo beautiful to say goodbye. I dont wish for it to happen. No, never. But my heart definitely has locked. by you?

Can i see you again?